|
cindylindy89
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Cindy
Country: United States
State: Oklahoma
Birthday: 12/18/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: My number one pimp Nathan!!
shout outs to....caleb ...travis ...brandon...cody ,sean,cj, mike , zak , john , josh(hosh) ,derrick,pat,miller,david,taylor,nate, jro,jason,jarod, tj , brad, miller , jennifer,caitlin love you guys..
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  cindylindy89
Yahoo:  cindylindy89
Member Since:
8/19/2004
|
|
| Hey ppl@
i have an xanga..ive been usin for a bit..
its newishly...oldish..
Well........................its cindyluwho89
im out like a fat kid playing dodgeball!!!
later haters
love you like a fat kid loves his ho hos | | |
| Hey everoyne...
everythings doin alot better..
i was stayin w.my aunt froa couple of days.....so.ya i have to go back sunday...ya...
i just had my soft bal gae last night and im really tired..ahhh. i didnt get enough sleepp....
but.....wow.....i hate being grounded...its spring break,..and i cant hang out w./anyone...ah!!!!
anyways....yep...same old boring stuf again,.
later masterbaters.
love,cin
EMAIL ME! | | |
| I dont get life.
i think its pointless.
fuck it
| | |
| I am tired. I am tired of failure and tired of life.
I am crying for help, but am afraid of crying out loud.
The cries that I do shout out come in fits of anger and rage.
Love is within me, I know, but I am having a hard time letting
it embrace me. I tremble at the thought of waking one more day
only to cause pain and hurt to the ones that I love.
I truly will miss if this is successful. Life I know is hard,
and everyone faces their trials and tribulations, but for me I am
tired of the trials. I have grown weak and weary, as I see the
pain that has come forth as a result of my actions.
Life is supposed to be enjoyable not miserable
and empty. I have made my bed throughout this life and am now pulling
back the covers to lay in it. The bed that I have made is one of
pain and self pity. Pain from knowing True Love and not having the
sense to embrace it and cherish it as it should be cherished.
Self pity from allowing myself to be drug down to the depth of
resolve by the means of my own mind. I sit here and think of Alice,
laying in bed sleeping, and in her mind possibly thinking of,
"What have I done so wrong?" Alice please be assured and know that
it is not you. The problem is me. I took your hand in marriage out
of Love, out of care and out of the beauty of your soul. I have
tarnished that vow of wedlock by allowing myself to slip into this
state and not share with you the pain in my life. My pain is from fear.
Fear of reliving what I have known as a child. I see myself as that
"man" that I so despise, and in my mind I am slowly becoming him.
I am not attentive and caring as I should be. I hold pain inside and it comes out in cries of anger and blame.
I do not wish to go on with the knowledge that I lash out at you.
You are what has kept me going this far, but sooner or later, a man
has to do for himself. I have tried to do for myself and I have no
"self" left. I am here and there and I am a name on a computer screen
in other parts of the world. I am a "nice girl" a "funny chick " to
people whom I don't even know as being real. I am not me. I am
just here, and I have found that when you are "just here" that
is when life is over "there", and then you are no longer living
it, you are just a face in the crowd. God forgive me for the
feelings that I have right now. I do not know if when you read
this letter if I will be sitting in the family room watching
mindless visions on the TV screen or if I will be unconscious
or if I will be finally at rest.
God help me and may He decide what is left for me
in this life. It may be the sign of a sick mind, but
I pray that HE decides to allow me to live. For I can
not decide anymore so now I leave my fate in His hands.
My hands are washed of me, but in my mind heart and soul,
you, and I wish I had the strength to wake you and tell
you, but I am ashamed of the fate that I am trying so
to accomplish.
| | |
| Grounded once again
and cant get on the pc...but im in the pc lab...so i have nothing else to do and have no other choice.im incrediably bored.
i miss nathan. i dnot feel good and i dont want to go to counseling.
its gAy.
| | |
|
